Implosion
by tehzombierayx3
Summary: One small event changes everything in Jacob's life. But can help from an unexpected place pull him back together? JacobxAlice, JacobxBella angst.
1. Chapter 1

_Bella screaming. Fuzz. Brown eyes. Blur. Edward laughing. Static._

Alice buried her head into her arms, slouching across the kitchen table, as far from Bella as possible while still keeping an ear open for news.

_AsmallhandbloodmorescreamingimageimageimageEdwardBellaWho?_

"DAMMIT!" Alice shouted, hitting the table and breaking it into two. She sighed and got onto her knees, trying to pick up the pieces of the shattered wood. The visions kept coming, uninterpretable and unrelated. She dropped the wood she was holding and held her head, moaning. Suddenly, it was blank. Her eyes widened, assuming the worst.

"Edward?!"

"She's fine, Alice."

She spun around and above her towered Jacob Black, holding out a hand uncertainly, his nose scrunched at the smell. She shook her head politely, gracefully pulling herself to her feet in no time at all. He smiled gratefully and shoved his hand back into his pocket.

"Jasper said you'd need my assistance," Jacob explained, checking the fridge for a pop.

"If Jasper's so worried, he could come himself." She glared at the wall leading to the living room, knowing he could hear her.

"He wants to stay with Bella and Edward, keep a calm autosphere. They're pretty freaked out, you know." He found one and cracked it open, taking a sip and making a disgusted expression. "Ugh, this can taste so good and bad at the same time. You guys smell terrible."

"You're not flowers and perfume yourself, mutt," Alice replied, smiling a bit and kicking the remains of the antique table. "Esme's going to be really disappointed. This was one of her favorite pieces."

"Well, it's in pieces now, that's for sure," Jake attempted, grinning sheepishly. She rolled her eyes and chuckled, her eyes still on the broken table. "Well, I mean, if you wanted, I could try to fix that up when all of this is over... if things go well, I mean." His expression darkened and his eyes got glassier. She looked up and noticed this, frowning.

"Look, Jacob, this may or may not make you feel better, but my gut is telling me to keep hope. My visions of the birth, they are... terrible. But I also get visions of after. Of some creature... I don't know enough about that. And of Edward smiling. We both know that wouldn't be possible in an existance without Bella. I don't know for sure, but I feel like this is going to end well somehow." Jacob groaned.

"That creature is killing her, you don't seem to understand that!" He began to pace. "It is breaking her ribs, it's taking all her health, hell, it's making her drink blood." He cringed. "It is a monster and we need to kill it." Edward hissed and growled from the other room. "Can it, leech. You were thinking the same thing until the little shit started getting thoughts." Another growl and then silence. Everyone was listening now.

"I'm sorry, Alice, I need to run," he muttered, walking towards the door.

"I'm coming," she replied quickly. She was in no mood for her headache to return so quickly.

"Bella?"

"They'll get us if something goes wrong." He nodded.

Alice was suddenly at the glass door, yanking it open silently. She extended an arm. "After you."

"Ladies first." A toothy grin, and she was gone. He followed quickly, chasing after her small form. She was running fast... challenging him? He pushed himself, eager to fall away from his doubts and worries.

He stopped, surrounding by wood and green. He spun around, searching for her scent, but it was everywhere, no certain trail.

"Does this mean I win?" a voice from behind him asked. He turned towards it, but all that was left were shifting leaves.

"Alice?" he called, a little frustrated. A giggle, then nothing. He grimaced and turned again, sniffing. Still nothing traceable.

"Is that the best you can do, wolf?" Her voice was in front of him. He saw her now, probably a halfmile away, running circles around his spot. He had to squint to follow her motion, but at least he could track her. He ran, locking his eyes on her tiny figure. She grinned and lunged at him, bringing an arm back to swing. He caught her arm and twisted her around, wrapping his free arm around her neck. "I win," he declared, panting. One second she was there, and the next there was an iron grip around his own neck.

He tried slipping a hand underneath her arm, but it did him no good. He was too big to get away from her. He sighed, his shoulders slumping. "You win...," he muttered. She let out a confident 'Hmph!' and released him. She walked away gracefully, leaning against a tree. He sank to the forest ground, staring intently at a nearby twig. He could feel her eyes on him, but he refused to meet them. Minutes went by.

"You don't take losing well," she offered, a tease in her voice.

"I can't say I'm used to it." He chuckled hoarsely, finally looking up. Her eyes weren't on him anymore, they were on the sky, considering something.

"What happened with Edward... that must be very hard for you," she mused, still not looking down at him.

"It gets harder every time I see them together," he admitted, sighing. She nodded, closing her eyes and humming quietly. He laid down in the dirt, staring at the clouds, finding shapes, people... He was tempted to change back into his wolf form, but he was in no mood to listen to Leah. Not after the drama and hurt she'd caused between him and Bella. He'd been relieved when Jasper asked him to console Alice; she was a good excuse to get away from all of that. He couldn't take another minute in that room, trying to explain to Bella how much he needed her, how reliant he really was on her. And knowing that even mentioning it would bring her more pain then she was in, with the little time she had left. He knew he would regret not telling her everything before she left, but he'd regret making her last moments miserable even more. It was all about Bella now, even he could agree with Edward on that point.

Alice stiffened. He straighted quickly and looked at her. "Do you hear that?" she asked, anxiety creeping into her voice.

He listened and nodded. He'd been distracting before, but now he definately heard something... screaming. He sprang up and followed Alice, who was already sprinting towards the house. He felt his heart sinking into his stomach, ripping and tearing at him.

"Bella..." Alice whispered, her voice tight. He glanced at her and she looked back. Something wasn't right.

Alice rushed into the house, but Jacob stood still at the doorstep, drowning. He couldn't hear a heartbeat upstairs, he couldn't hear anything but the baby's screams. The monster. He turned his back on the house, breathing roughly. Bella was gone. She'd died for that little spawn of Satan and there was no bringing her back, no hope, no life, nothing. He collapsed to his knees, sliding his head between them and holding onto them tightly. He remembered all the times he'd seen Bella in that same position, keeping herself together, crying for Edward and love and everything she'd lost. And he'd lost her.

He sprang into the woods, transforming and running, running, _running_ because that was all he could do. Bella was gone, and now there was nothing.

Voices in his head begged him, pleaded with him to turn back and let them help him. He used his Alpha command, not caring about any morals he'd set down.

'_Leave me alone and go back.'_

They fought it, but in the end, they both retreated, leaving him to face the hole that was gaping inside of himself.


	2. Chapter 2

'_Run, run, run, run, run, run.'_

Jacob sprinted across the landscape, dodging trees and bushes and branches and animals and anything else that tried to take him down. He kept his mind black, focusing on that one word, that one action. He let his instincts take over, trying to become more animal, because being human was too much for him right now. A bear growled at him, but he ignored it and kept running. It chased him for a few paces, but quickly gave up to his superior speed. Birds chirped everywhere around him, their music sounding like bells.

'_bells...Bells. RUN.'_

He came to an crack in a small mountain, wide enough to slide through, but just barely. The opening was surrounded by trees, almost invisible to the naked eye. He walked up to it, sniffing it carefully. There was no human scent along it, although a few animals had definately came before him. He tried to wiggle through it, but it was just barely too small. He knew what he had to do. He trembled a bit, changing back into his human form. The pain hit him like a thousand needles jabbing into his skin. His heart was beating slowly, like it was clotted and sucking in its last few chains of blood. His head was throbbing, racing thoughts about Bella and death and little vampire monsters. He saw golden eyes, brown eyes, red eyes, black eyes. He ran into the makeshift cave, trying to focus on each step he took. But there was no escaping the miserable sinking that his stomach was feeling, or the way his chest was aching underneath his skin. He finally broke free of the crevice and fell to the ground, shaking and becoming wolf once more. He embraced every aspect of it, quickly observing the cave around him, the smells, the feel, the little pebbles and features. Anything at all to distract him from that pain.

He chose a smooth corner far away from the exit of the cave. He curled up against the stone wall comfortably, allowing his exhaustion to overcome him. Sleep was here, and it was dreamless. For a few short hours, there was no Bella, there was just blackness, and that was good.

"Jacob? Jacob, c'mon, you have to wake up!" Someone was kicking him, rather hard. He rolled over and flashed his teeth, growling uncertainly. He refused to open his eyes, he didn't want to chance the peaceful sleep he'd just experienced. Another kick in his stomach and stood onto his four legs, finally cracking a peek at his visitor. A small, pale girl with round, black eyes was staring at him nervously, a weak smile adorning her face. He groaned and curled back into his corner, hoping his sleep wasn't too far from him. Alice sighed and pulled him back, getting a good bite on the arm for her trouble.

"Now, that isn't fair! If I did that to you, you'd be writhing on the ground in pain! Let's at least fight fair, okay?" she scolded, frustration leaking into her voice. He ignored her, focusing on the blackness behind his eyelids, pretending he was in some other _deserted_ cave, far away from the annoying vampire bothering him now. She sat down beside him, _Hmph!_-ing stubbornly. "Well, if you want to be like that, I'll just wait for you to wake up. I have quite a while, wouldn't you agree?" His eyes shot open now, and they shot daggers into hers, a growl vibrating through his throat. She smirked and stared him down, waiting for her victory. This never came. He just lowered his head again and hummed, pretending that nothing was going on.

"Very mature, Black," she commented before closing her eyes and humming even louder. He picked up his volume too, placing a paw over each ear to block her out. She crawled right next to one of his ears and hummed so loudly it was almost just blurred speech. He smacked her away with his paw but she just laughed and remained in her spot. He got up and walked over to another corner, this time snuggling head-first into the wall. She gave him a good kick in the ass. He whined and tried to kick her with his hind leg.

"Well, you shouldn't have had your butt in the air, mutt. Nice, open target," she teased. "Now transform so I can talk to you. I have some news you'll definately be interested in." He didn't move, once again pretending he couldn't hear her. She rolled her eyes. "Fine, I'll tell you now, I suppose. Bella is alive." He stiffened, pausing a moment before reversing out of his position in the wall. He looked into her eyes hopefully, but also suspiciously. Alice smiled a bit and nodded. "She's alive and she's so happy, Jacob. She just misses you, we all do, truth be told... well, Rosalie isn't too heartbroken, but she'll come around." Jacob stared, unconvinced. "Well, okay, when I say Bella is alive, I mean that... well, she isn't dead. She's... undead, I suppose." Jacob's eyes flickered dead again and he turned to the wall, a stronger wave rushing through him than before. It was a mixture of relief and hatred. They'd turned the one thing he loved unconditionally, who he'd happily give his life for, into a blood-drinking creature. He shivered and locked his paws over his ears once again, unwilling to hear any more.

"Jacob, don't be like that. She's so happy! She's not even hunting, it's so strange. We think that maybe that's her ability, to rationalize. She knows she shouldn't want human blood, so she doesn't. She's doing so well, Jacob, you'd be so proud of her." He snorted. Alice started to become annoyed. "She wants you there, and if you really cared about her, you'd already be there." He growled. "Okay, I know you care about her, fine. But you're hurting her by staying away... she feels like you hate her." He raised his shoulders in a shrug. "Don't start with that, dog! We both know how much you care for her!" To this, he didn't reply. "Yeah, I thought as much. Just come back with me, you won't regret it." He didn't move. There was a long pause before Alice said, "Renesmee is beautiful. You would love her." To this, he got up and bared his teeth at her, growling loudly and snapping his jaw. "Fine, fine. You want to be stubborn, go ahead. But she needs you. She's always needed you." She pet his head softly before walking out of the cave. Before leaving completely, she yelled back, "By the way, you stink." He ignored this and curled back into his corner, trying not to think about anything she'd said to him. Bella was dead and everything was over. That was a better reality than the one Alice had offered. And he was more than eager to live with it.

Weeks, months, years. Time meant nothing to him. An animal snuck into his living space often enough to feed, and the flow was enough to sustain him, no matter how weakly. He wallowed, he moarned, he lived. Sometimes he'd try and turn into his human self, only to quickly change back, the pain too much to deal with. He'd lay on his back for long hours, staring at the stone ceiling and wishing he'd done something different. Wishing he'd just clawed that demon out of her before it took so much from him. Wishing he'd at least taken the thiefing vampire down with him before running away. Anything that might dull the regret of his reclsive existance. He slept, and sometimes a dream of brown eyes would awaken him suddenly. He ate, and the blood of the animals always looked like the steady stream of her's. He walked, and it always felt like someone else should be by his side, his second half, his soulmate. Everything had to be done, and it was done, but not with any amount of feeling or pride. Just with an uncomfortable wanting for something more. An emptiness that he knew how to fill, but could never bring himself to do it. Eventually he'd have to embrace him human side and live through whatever pain awaited him. But until he was ready, there was this. And it was never enough.

"Jacob... we need your help," a desperate Alice pleaded, her eyes troubled and tortured. He stared into her amber eyes and felt nothing but anger. She was coming to disrupt him once again, interrupting his moarning and coping process. "Jacob, the Volturi are going to kill Renesmee. They think that she is an infant transformed! They don't understand!" She was trembling now, and he knew that had she been human, she'd be sobbing. He couldn't find it inside of himself to care. "We need the help of the wolves, we can't do this alone!" He groaned and turned away, slightly shaking his head. She growled. "You _have_ to help us! THEY WILL KILL US ALL, JACOB!" He didn't move or do anything, her anger meant nothing to him. "They will kill Bella...," she whispered, sorrow seeping into every word. He turned towards her and his eyes were dead, unmoving. "She isn't dead, but she will be. Can you live with that, Jacob Black? Can you live with knowing that you could have saved her and did nothing?" He paused for a moment, then lifted his head up and down, glaring into her topaz eyes. She sighed and turned to leave. "She is not dead, Jacob. You don't understand." She sprinted away from him.

He tried to avoid his regret for many days, circling the cave, trying to give himself over to his instincts once more. But nothing worked. He could only think of Bella, being killed by the Italian vampires he'd only heard rumors of, screaming for his help, pleading with him to save her. He saw her crimson eyes and her baby, held protectively in her arms, refusing to let the thing die without a fight. He fought the urge to do something, to call for anyone's help, because he wanted nothing to do with anyone in the world anymore. He would have closed off the crevice already if he believed that Alice or any of the others couldn't easily break through whatever barrier he put up. He knew what he had to do, what he would end up doing, but still he fought.

Suddenly, one day, he jumped to his feet, darted out of the cave, and sprinted in the direction of Forks. He surrendered.


End file.
